The Best of Rajnikanth Jokes

I chanced upon a bunch of hilarious Rajnikanth jokes on Twitter & elsewhere, based on the style adopted by @ChuckNorriz. No comparison at all, these Rajni jokes have become legendary in social media folklore. So I decided to organize a list of the best ones for myself which I found to be both creative & humorous. Lastly, all acknowledgements & compliments go to the original contributors. Enjaai!

1. When Rajnikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
2. There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajnikanth allowed to live.
3. Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
4. Rajnikanth can judge a book by its cover.
5. Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
6. Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
7. Rajnikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called Giraffes.
8. Rajnikanth can make onions cry.
9. Rajnikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
10. Rajnikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
11. Rajnikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
12. Rajnikanth does not own a stove, oven,or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.
13. Rajnikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there is no sign of life there.
14. Rajnikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajnikanth.
15. When you say ‘no one is perfect’, Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.
16. Google won’t find Rajnikanth because you don’t find Rajnikanth: Rajnikanth finds you.
17. Rajnikanth leaves messages before the beep.
18. Rajnikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
19. Rajnikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
20. Rajnikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
21. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
22. When Rajnikanth is asked to kill someone he doesn’t know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
23. Rajnikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
24. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajnikanth lives in Chennai.
25. Water boils faster when Rajnikanth stares at it.
26. Rajnikanth kills two stones with one bird.
27. Rajnikanth killed the Dead Sea.
28. Rajnikanth gave Monalisa that smile.
29. Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
30. Rajnikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.
31. Rajnikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.
32. Rajnikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
33. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.
34. Rajnikanth can build a snowman out of rain.
35. Rajnikanth can watch the show ’60 Minutes’ in 20 minutes.
36. Rajnikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.
37. Rajnikanth did, in fact, build Rome in a day.
38. Rajnikanth can play the violin with a piano.
39. Rajnikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
40. Rajnikanth gave the Joker those scars.
41. Rajnikanth once warned a young girl to be good “or else”. The result? Mother Teresa.
42. Rajnikanth electrocuted Iron Man.
43. Rajnikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray.
44. Rajnikanth puts the ‘laughter’ in manslaughter.
45. Rajnikanth can handle the truth.
46. Rajnikanth can teach an old dog new tricks.
47. Rajnikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
48. The last time Rajnikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated.
49. Rajnikanth can lick his elbows.
50. Rajnikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
51. Rajnikanth does not get frostbite. Rajnikanth bites the frost.
52. Rajnikanth got his drivers licence at the age of 16 seconds.
53. The statement “nobody can cheat death” is a personal insult to Rajnikanth. He cheats and fools death everyday.
54. Rajnikanth can give pain to painkillers and headache to Anacin.
55. Rajnikanth knows what women really want.
56. Time and tide wait for Rajnikanth.
57. As a child when Rajnikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.
58. Rajnikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
59. Rajnikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.
60. Rajnikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhary’s.
61. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajnikanth.
62. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajnikanth’s fist.
63. Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way.
64. Rajnikanth doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.
65. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajnikanth”.
66. Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
67. Rajnikanth is a champion in the game of hide-n-seek, as no one can hide from Rajnikanth.
68. Rajnikanth proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide a reaction.
69. Rajnikanth is a weapon created by god to use on doomsday to end the world.
70. Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajnikanth is on.
71. Rajnikanth does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
72. When Rajnikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the world economy.
73. Rajnikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
74. Rajnikanth’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
75. Rajnikanth’s next film is called ‘Twitter’ – he plays 140 characters.
76. Rajnikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31 to April 2. No one fools Rajnikanth.
77. Rajnikanth knows Victoria’s Secret.
78. Rajnikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
79. Words like Awesomeness, Brilliance, Legendary, etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajnikanth was born.
80. Rajnikanth can answer a missed call.
81. There is no such thing as ‘Global Warming’. Rajnikanth was feeling cold, so he brought the Sun closer to heat the earth up.
82. Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
83. Rajnikanth’s email ID is gmail@Rajnikanth.com
84. Rajnikanth knows which came first, the chicken or the egg.
85. Rajnikanth found iPod too small, Apple launched iPad the next day.
86. The missing piece on the Apple logo was eaten by Raknikanth.
87. Once a girl lost her virginity, Rajnikanth got it back.
88. Rajnikanth once wrote a cheque, the bank bounced.
89. Rajnikanth’s first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.
90. Rajnikanth’s every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.
91. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajinikanth’s fist.
92. You dont google Rajnikanth…u Rajnikanth google!
93. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Rajnikanth.
94. What are earthquakes? they occur when Rajnikanth shivers in the cold.
95. God is not Rajnikanth.
96. Rajnikanth never uploads a file. The net will come down.
97. Suraj Randiv can never bowl a no-ball to Rajnikanth, because Rajnikanth can always move the crease behind the bowler.
98. Rajnikanth can throw a cold.
99. Rajnikanth can debug Windows.
100. Newton discovered gravity, Rajnikanth abolished it.
101. In 2008 Rajnikanth lost his wallet, the world went into RECESSION.
102. Rajnikanth can win Platinum medal at the Olympics.
103. Rajnikanth can speak Braille.
104. Rajnikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.